We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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