we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
