you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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