Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
