My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
