i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
