I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
