One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize