why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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