Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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