She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
two words: eviction party
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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