6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
