Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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