I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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