She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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