So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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