In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
