you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize