This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
