he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my shit smells like andre
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize