Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
