So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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