You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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