And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
