I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
