I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
