So drunk its hurt
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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