More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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