So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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