It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
