I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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