Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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