I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
