Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
