Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk is a universal language darling
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