Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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