Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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