he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
