Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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