Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
