...so i touched it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
