I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
