Nicole vs. Life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
