no, he came in my armpit
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
