maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
