i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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