the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
