Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
