and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
