Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
