She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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