ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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