I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We are all done wearing pants today
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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