I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
