You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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