If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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