to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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