omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
