at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
