Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
