I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just want to make out with him forever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
