meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
