I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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