Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
