my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
