no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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