I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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