therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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