I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
