Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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