Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
