Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
please come you make the beer taste better
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
