So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
