Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
